Dear Suburban America, especially the Moms and the Dads,
I love you but I don't understand you.
1. You shell out for organic, soy, sensitive, Free range, IQ boosting formula but won't breast feed your babies. You shell out for organic, homemade, free range, rice based baby food.... But you won't breast feed your babies And you are really snobby about their organic free range formula.... There is nothing more organic or natural than breastfeeding.
2. You shell out for your Baby Can Read products/Baby Enistein....in hopes of enriching your babies college admissions potential...turn off the TV and talk to your baby, read to your baby.....FOR THE LOVE....TURN OFF THE TV.
3. You yell at me for not prescribing antibiotics for your child's 24 hours of nasal congestion.....ITS A VIRUS. I can't fix viruses and it will be gone next week Yet you wont let me vaccinate your child against h. flu and pertussis both of which I have seen children die in the ICU from in the past two years. Nasal drops and Tylenol vs. watching your child seize in the PICU on a ventilator..... ?!??!?!!?! NOT TO MENTION THAT WHOLE VACCINES CAUSE GREEN HAIR/AUTISM/GENERAL BADNESS is bad, bad science and there is a very expensive law suit in England as a result of it.
4. You yell when we cannot get your child low fat, mint chocolate chip ice cream with rainbow sprinkles to your child in the hospital and threaten to leave AMA until we can produce it...(you can't make this stuff up)
5. One of my colleagues spent an hour with her Private Practice preceptor last week consulting an irate family about the lack of success of acne treatment...being a teen is rough don't get me wrong, my baby sister struggled with acne but yelling does not make it better and I counter yet again...acne vs. nearly every other medical problem known to man...what would you pick?
6. I recently observed a bunch of folks including health professionals and some Moms (not fellow residents) make fun of an Amish patient and another make fun of a patient from the inner city....cultural sensitivity is not our strong suit.. We say we want diversity, we say we want tolerance but we like it better when THOSE people stay on their side of town.Those kids are sick too and they need us pediatricians just as much as your baby.
7. We say we want women to be able to be mothers and work and do it all but its not acceptable for a women to pump at most places of work (although it is where i work :) ) and its often not culturally comfortable for a woman to breast feed outside of a cramped bathroom stall in public. Can you imagine trying to breastfeed your 2 mo and entertain your 4 yo in a 6 by 3 ft space mostly occupied by a stroller and a toilet...its time to come out of the closet people....its just a mom breastfeeding...heavens know there are far worse things on prime time cable.
8. Then there is the other extreme....(and I am about to be called a heretic)...the stay home at mom who is snobby about being an organic, free range, non-vaccinating homeschooling, Sunday School teaching, Women's Bible Study leading Mom who will condemn my single Moms/married but working two jobs in poverty sending their kids to day care and public school in the inner city for not staying home. Where is your compassion that you preach about? I love you and I grew up and went to church camp with you but I am ashamed of it. What the heck happened while I was in medical school?
9. You who see one of us come into the room and say "No way, I don't want a resident, medical student, fellow, attending under the age of 35 touching my child." Or my favorite: "They can practice on SOMEONE ELSE child." I understand Moms, believe me I do, I have had many clumsy orthopedic residents do a lot more than examine me over the years but in the end I also helped train a generation of pediatric/skeletal dysplasia doctors so that the next generation of my tribe gets better care. This is why so many training hospitals/Resident clinic are in the inner city or the worst part of towns because we care for the indignant SOMEONE ELSE child so we can finally get enough gray hair to graduate and move out to where we can take care of your kids. No Medical Education = No well trained doctors. I feel you Moms but we don't take this lightly, we have to learn or they will be no doctors, cut us a break.
10. And finally....Another colleague was recently at a church gathering where one of the other girls is pregnant and said: "I don't think I can go to a pediatrician because they are so militant about things like vaccinations and breastfeeding...." :).... Family Practice does 5 mo of pediatrics we do three years...just saying.
(BTW I went to a FP and loved her for 10 wonderful years....my Mom and sister still go to her...and most FPs are quite good but even they will admit that us militant pediatricians know babies)
Ok maybe I understand 10....yes I am militant but its only because I CARE ABOUT your baby. Its all about the babies and they are worth fighting for...no matter where they live, what language they speak, where they go to school or how much free range, organic gruel they are fed. I care even if you won't let me touch them or vaccinate them or be their doctor.
Lets work together for the Kids' Sake.
Love,
Dr. Amy
